I don’t know if writing this will make things better or worse, but basically I’m doing it to cope, because the alternative is sitting in bed, feeling like the worst person in the world, and crying until I can’t breathe again.
When I saw someone on Twitter float the idea of having a discussion about good sex, I thought: well that could be useful. We’ve obviously been talking a lot about rape lately, and as a survivor of sexual abuse, it’s been really difficult to be part of the Twitter space. I know many of you feel the same way. I thought maybe it would be good to talk about some positive things.
I have major issues around sex, and, that being what it is, I should have realised that many others do too.
Not by any means did I intend to trivialize or dismiss the discussion about rape culture. This is incredibly fucking important and it should continue. I’m well aware that its not possible to just change the subject, and I’m sorry that I tried.
What I was really trying to do, on reflection, was push my own boundaries and try to get through my own triggers by sharing them publicly. Because of my history I find sex difficult enough to talk about, let alone do. I hoped that by attempting to be sex positive in a public way, I could help myself through that. But that’s clearly a personal thing, I should have realised it could adversely effect others, and I shouldn’t have involved the community.
I know that I’m probably preaching to the converted because if I pissed you off, you won’t be reading this. But I need to say it.
I’m very sorry. I will try to be more sensitive in the future.
(P.S I also deleted my earlier post, because though I might find it difficult when others use language relating to chronic illness and mental illness, it’s not my place to tell anyone what they can and can’t say. I apologise to those who found it offensive.)