I have a new Youtube obsession. (Not that this means I’m not watching Sonya. She’s always first on the list).
Meet Bo Burnham.
He’s like, ridiculously clever. He can sing, he can play the guitar and the piano, he’s hilarious, and boy, can he write.
Check this out: (warning, it might offend you. although if it does, you should get a sense of humour).
New Math
What’s a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guy,
And an anteater plus a large hungry mutant ant? an ironic way to die
And what’s domain, domain, range (xxy) a kid with too much in his pants
And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.
Split a decision with long division,
Take the circumference of your circumcision
Live like your data and when you’re all “set”
Put it all together and whatever you get.
Is new math…
What’s a bag of chips divided by five, that’s a Nike worker’s meal
And Santa clause multiplied by “I” well I guess that makes him real,
And the square root of the NBA is Africa in a box,
How do u trace a scatter plot? give the pencil to Michael j fox.
Take the approximate moral proportion of the probable problem of a pro-life abortion
Live like your data, and when you’re all “set”
Put it all together and whatever you get…
Is new math.
And if you made a factor tree of the factors that caused my girl to leave me you’d have a tree…
Full of Asian porn.
C-A-L-C-U-LATOR (see you later) mathematical minds make industrial smog.
And what’s the opposite of lnx, duraflame the unnatural log.
Support the farmers with a pro-tractor,
Link Kennedy and Lincoln with a common factor (fact, or)
Word problems
If there’s a fat guy in a pastry shop with a twenty dollar bill and he’s ready to buy,
In order to predict his volume change you need to know the value of pi (pie)
And there’s a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her,
How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he’s a good conductor,
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees
Cause havin sex is like quadratic expansion if it can’t be split then it’s time to stop,
And havin sex is like doing fractions, it’s improper for the larger one to be on top.
Listen to it here. (Please do).
In a tiny, embarassed postscript: I finished New Moon last night. And loved it. Not the writing, it’s clicheed and ridiculous. But the story. I mean, who would not want to BE Bella? I am gagging on being so mainstream and capitulating to the marjority here (note, I still have not read Harry Potter and never vill). But I’m off to find the next one…